Thursday, August 30, 2007
VIRGINIA WOOLF / suicide note to leonard woolf
Dearest,
I feel ceratin that I am going
mad again: I feel we can't go
through another of these terrible times.
And I shant recover this time. I begin
to hear voices, and cant concentrate.
So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have
given me
the greatest possible happiness. You
have been in every way all that anyone
could be. I dont think two
people could have been happier till
this terrible disease came. I cant
fight it any longer, I know that I am
spoiling your life, that without me you
could work. And you will I know.
You see I cant even write this properly. I
cant read. What I want to say is that
I owe all the happiness of my life to you.
You have been entirely patient with me &
inredibly good. I want to say that --
everybody knows it. If anybody could
have saved me it would have been you.
Everything has gone from me but the
certainty of your goodness. I
cant go on spoiling your life any longer. I dont think two
people
could have been happier than we have been.
V.
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this is so sad. the irony of suicide.
ReplyDeletefirst few pages of the book i read it in and i was already tearing up. it's in the prologue of michael cunningham's "the hours" - SUCH a masterpiece.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, I have that movie. I haven't watched it yet though. I think I got it during the time I was busiest in ministry and watching anything like that is like opposite of what I'm actually trying to do which is to build hope. But then it's ironic, I find, that in trying to build hope, you must be in touch with the deepest truths about despair. Now, I'm at that point of traversing that bridge. Or maybe I am ON THE BRIDGE. Hehe.
ReplyDeletei can't remember the film anymore, because i watched it when i was young and couldn't really understand. i do need to watch it again. the book is a MUST READ, you have to borrow it from me :D
ReplyDeletethat is ironic. haha. hope is not hope if not surrounded by despair! how will it be that light at the end of the tunnel if it is not dark! how can it be the lamp that guides you if you are not trying to get through a mass of darkness without knowing what lies behind, in front and around you!
and most of all: how can it be that shy - sometimes denied even - expectation of fulfillment if you are not empty, if you actually feel whole, if you are not looking for your missing piece?
see, life is a paradox talaga. i think that's the bottom line and the only way to be comfortable with this paradox is if you're rooted in God. the creator of all LIFE. but yes, sige. gosh i still have so many books to read!!!!! they're all piled up in my room na nga eh. and 3 of them are your recommendations pa. haha. oh and i have yet to lend you kahlil gibran. but i can't find it pa. haha! hay. do you know that there's a book fair today in roxas blvd? i just found out this morning. grr.
ReplyDeleteYES. I KNOW. OMG. WORLD TRADE CENTRE. I THINK I'M GOING. WAS GOING TO TEXT YOU ABOUT IT! BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TIME IT'LL END! AND MY PARENTS WON'T TAKE ME THERE UNLESS I FIND OUT!
ReplyDelete(sorry for the caps)
wow, three recommendations? what are they? heh heh. i only remember recommending "everything is illuminated".
Hahahah! I think it's until 5pm. Sayang nga eh. If I knew about it, I'd have gone to mass early so I could spend the entire afternoon there. Hay. Oh well. We still have Fully Booked which hopefully I'll be able to schedule soon. :-)
ReplyDeleteReco? Ahhh, Unbearable Lightness of Being and Still Life With a Woodpecker. :-)