15

a new internet connection right in the comfort of my own room. yay.

i found a new bargain bookstore today.  i sat down against a bookshelf near the back and wasn't asked to leave. so i ended up staying for about an hour. i left with two books, a bunch of scribbled-down quotes, and only 448 pesos less in my wallet.

i am trying to write more often now because i want to remember my life. a few days ago i began. began pensieve-ing my memories before i forget them. i used present tense to make it more vivid. and i started from where i left off some one year and three months ago. remember this?


into the pensieve:

001.
the first night of pre-shepherding. i am in my white and green striped button-down shirt. i sulk in one side of the pew, staring at the marble floor. what am i doing here. what am i doing here. everyone seems to know each other except me, but i am used to that. pews fill up a little more and what they call worship begins. what are they feeling, raising their hands and standing up? i have seen this before in Living Word but i was too young to dwell on the thought. curious, but not particularly moved.

first topic - God's love. love. a sensitive topic that shoots me rudely back into vivid memories of singapore. this night is no different. in the first activity, my co-lamb, in a bright yellow shirt and multi-colored high-cut chuck taylors comes up to me and says Hi i'm Abbey! with open arms. her arms easily find her way around me and she says, God loves you! with the most cheerful disposition i have ever seen that doesn't border on obnoxious. i am glad she is my co-lamb.

that hug triggers the tear ducts. i spend the rest of the night holding them back with all my might.

in the flock circle everyone introduces themselves saying, " (name), YE(#)." my turn comes and i say, "adi, short for adrienne, and i um i don't know what YE is."