17

two and a half hours after midnight of the day i leave the country. i leave the house in one and a half hours. i'll take a shower, maybe a twenty-minute nap, then my bags into the rented van.

thank you everyone who wrote in the big card, thank you kev who drove around getting people to write in it, thank you people who tried to didn't wanted to meet up, i'm sorry i'm not good at organizing parties and keeping commitments and managing time oh how i wish i had more of it, thank you people of this last night, thank you maisee for leading, funny and brilliant how you led and reminisced at the same time,

do crash if you're in town.

16 - retrospect, a little and briefly

fifty-one minutes past midnight, fifty-one minutes past the last day in this country.

when change breathes this close to my face i am always silenced, always caught staring, always listening to the buzz in my head. i always look like i have nothing to say, but i do, i just get caught up in thinking about it or having conversations in my head or using every ounce of me to remember what's happening. to the people on monday night - i'm sorry all i could tangibly do was watch my fingers play with a packet of ketchup.

when change breathes this close to my face i always want to ask, How are you, What did you do today, What will you be doing tomorrow, Can you say you are happy?

what do you do when you're being pushed out the door while still trying to put the shoes on, still brushing your teeth, still looking into people's faces, still putting your earrings on, still trying to say what matters, still checking if you have everything in your bag, still counting your books, still writing a letter, still catching a breath?

it's an hour and six minutes past the last day now, and i am wondering how different it would have been if i hadn't spent a whole year being a hermit and putting my life on hold. would i have been drawn to the same people? would i be the same person that i am now? when Life started in summer 2007, then began these questions and the subsequent musing upon it. i have come to terms with the fact that that year of "putting life on hold" was a majestic momentous grand movement of introspection, which saw the end of my self then and saw the beginning of a renewed one.

somewhat ironic (and painful and wonderful) that this renewed one was to see the end of my self and was to see the beginning of an authentic one.

how many ends? how many peeled layers? an hour and eighteen minutes past the last day now; two thousand two hundred and thirty-two hours past the eighteenth year it's only been. no cookies for the one who can tell me how many more ends, unless you're the one who knows more than the apple does.

but you get a cookie if you know i'm terrified of these ends, if you know i'm excited about these ends... and two cookies if you're going to sit with me and these ends.

September 8, 2008 : CEBU - iii

yay for hidden beaches in hidden members-only resorts. for beautiful handicrafts that started as little treasure of the ocean. for cheap good spanish bread. for the laid back, cheerful cebuanos who beat you to asking if you can take their photo. for planes in the sky. for mr. crab, even though he couldn't climb out of the hole javi dug for an hour, for the dog on the edge of the blue boat. for little boats afloat in the sea. for a 30-peso hat and cheap shades and cheap pizza. for the coca-mangga concotion. for the Great Artist and His little exhibit in the sand, swept ashore by waves. for cool water pouncing on feet on a sunny day. for blue skies.

open your eyes and you'll see He's romancing you, too.

September 7, 2008 : CEBU - ii

not so many photos from the 7th because it was a busy busy day. that calmed down after an awesome massage. and i don't even like massages.

-

of old doorknobs and capiz windows, of the texture and color of old walls. of church bells and wooden art and a little bit of abstract. of street children that owned joy in abandon. of cobblestone streets and Magellan's cross. of the hustle and bustle outside the Sto Niño Church. of hip rapping dancing praying women. of glimpses of street life. of a different kind of church altar. of dinner up in the clouds (thankyou Tito). of the dessert bar that was worth more than actual dinner. of childhood stories and life lessons and laughter.

September 6, 2008: CEBU - i - SACSAA Induction Night

congratulations, Tito, i know this means a lot to you. :)

from seeing old friends meet, to silly faces, to Amazing Grace, the speech, and a round of drinks and singing.

yellow-y photos = javi playing with paper and flash diffuser

September 6, 2008: CEBU - i

the new terminal. a wrinkle in time. traveling nomads. a prophetic photo. "i'm like Google Earth!" setting foot, for the first time, on airport ground that wasn't in a building. "welcome to my Kingdom!" september 6. old-school dirty ice-cream. cheap jewelry. the banana glass. the taste and smell of sea air. the real kingdom of a home. children asking for a photo. tawa.

credit:
kath - 011-018, 142-153, 195-206, 266-275
tito prisco - 128, and the actual trip (!!!!)
javi - 021, 230-244